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Steve "Eli" Healey
 NAME:
Steve Healey.
AGE: 38.
WEIGHT: Light.
NICKNAMES: Eli, Orville, Sid.
ROLE: Fast bowler, but getting slower,
lower order batsman, bucket-handed fielder.
JOB: Failed German Porn-star (watersports division).
ACHIEVEMENTS
IN 2000: First team player of the year. Overtook
Rob Horton to become the third biggest moaner in the club’s
history behind Manny Alcock and Justin Hadley.
ANY OTHER ACHIEVEMENTS:
Spent the equivalent of the Gross National Product of Turkey on bandages
and deep heat in order to
get me through the season.
WHAT ELSE DID YOU DO IN 2000: Urinated
on team-mates - again.
LIKES:
Football, lager
DISLIKES: Peeing in the toilet.
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