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Session Seeking Book of Records

Most ale in one session

In one sitting, Mr Bradley Riley of Austin Close, Atherstone was believed to have consumed upwards of 20 pints one Saturday afternoon after the second team fixture was called off. Ending up in the bar of The White Bear, Atherstone, Riley disappeared for thirty minutes before turning up again in The Wheatsheaf, where he stayed until the early hours before staggering home for a four-pack of Tennent's Super.

Speediest transition from sober to drunk

In the summer of 1997, Mr Raymond Faulkner of Pinwall entered the Angel Inn, Atherstone with fellow players to enjoy a pint one Saturday evening. Having already drunk around ten pints, Faulkner was relatively sober upon entering the premises. However, two sips and thirty seconds later, he suddenly lost the ability to speak and required great assistance in standing up. Unable to see, he was escorted to a takeaway whereupon a mixed grill was ordered and he was finally put in a taxi, dribbling and slurring like a stroke victim.

Longest laugh at joke

In summer 1995, Mr Nicholas Wardle repeatedly told a lame joke about a dustbin-man collecting wheelie-bins from a local Chinese restaurant. The final time this joke was told was in The Unicorn Chinese restaurant although it had been slightly altered to seem more appropriate to the situation. Holding a piece of waste paper, Wardle asked the proprietor "Where's your bin?" to which she replied she had been in the kitchen. Wardle and three others were still laughing heartily when they left the restaurant an hour later and two members of the party were alleged to have chortled well into the night, despite being fast asleep.

Slowest pint

At a club function held in 1996 featuring footballer Jimmy Greaves at Queen Elizabeth School, Atherstone, Mr Ian Niblock of Birchley Heath purchased a pint of lager from the bar at 19:52. Having taken over three hours to drink to the ridge in the glass, Niblock took the pint home. Niblock spent four years at University trying to work his way through the pint without success. Now nearly halfway through the beverage, the pint still remains unfinished and has pride of place on the Niblock family mantelpiece.

Strangest disappearance of ale

Before a game in 1998, Robert Boal of Atherstone, Warwickshire took fifteen minutes to drink a fingers worth of lager. Boal then proceeded to pay a visit to the lavatory and oddly took his drink with him. Upon returning from the toilets one minute later, Boal emerged with the empty glass at his lips before letting out a big fake sigh and asking if fellow seekers Adi Williams and Chris Horton were ready to go. Boal claimed to have quaffed the ale but eyewitness reports from the White Bear suggested that Boal had committed the unforgivable crime of pouring away his first pint and then lied about it.

Best round of pub golf

Travelling back from an away match in Bournville during the 2000 season, stalwart seeker Chris Horton completed seven holes in nine shots including five consecutive holes in one. The round had to be abandoned when Luke Tibbits had to go home.

Worst excuse for chunder

In 1998, Martin "Tommy" Cooper and Paul Mander were exiting the Clock when Cooper stopped in the car park to chunder. Cooper who had drank seven pints of lager before finishing the night with a pint of lager shandy, later attributed his illness to the fact that the lemonade in his shandy was off. "It was that shandy that made me ill, youth" he slurred shortly afterwards. Why he was drinking shandy in the first place remains a mystery.

Biggest mismatch

In 2001, Manuel Alcock, 35 of Witherley, Leics. went drinking with Simon Grayson - a respected super-middle weight with an armed forces background and general good drinking pedigree. Alcock struggled through two halves of lager-dash at the Cricket Club before taking a taxi up the town where he collapsed into unconsciousness in The Wheatsheaf when he accidentally trod in somebody's spilt cider en route to the toilets.

Worst start to a session

At a Nat West Trophy match at Derby in 1996, Paul Oldham began the all day session with a drink from a bottle of Volvic mineral water. While it was claimed to be a quick thirst-quencher, this beginning to a session has never been seen either before or since. Oldham was severely reprimanded for his actions, the likes of which have no place among true Sessionseekers. He received a six-month suspension for his crime and is still publicly ridiculed to this day.

Cheapest night out

In June 2000, Mr Terence McCloskey, NFA, went out on a tour back from Allen's Cross with the second team. He came out with sixteen pence and during the evening drank twelve pints of cider, smoked twenty-five fags and spent fourteen pounds on various bandits without winning. He stopped only to borrow five pounds off a fellow seeker and failed to pay his match fee. He went home at three in the morning that night with £5.16p.

Most decorated sleeping seeker

In 1999, Sessionseekers decorated Martin Roy Riley as he fell asleep on a bar stool in The White Lion, Atherstone, with seven beer mats and an ashtray, all carefully balanced on different parts of his body including, stomach, head and both shoulders.

Most humourous entry into nightclub

The following text is a conversation between Mathew Jones and a doorman of a club in Hinckley from back in 1999.
Mathew: (to friends): 'I'll get us in for free - I know the doorman from way back'
"Hello mate, how are you doing? You are alright to let us in aren't you?"
Doorman: "Yes, that's five pounds please, Mark."

Tied for first place is this entry from Martin Cooper in Birmingham 2000:
Doorman: "How old are you?"
Cooper: "20"
Doorman: "I'm sorry mate, it's over 21's"
Cooper: "But I'm 20 - I've got my driving licence to prove it"
Doorman: "Yes but you have to be over 21 to get in"
Cooper: "Here's my licence"
Doorman: "Yes and it says you are 20"
Cooper: "Oh, that must be someone else's - it's my mate's. I forgot"
Doorman "So when's your birthday and what star sign are you?"
Cooper: "Pluto youth"

Reddest Face

In 1997, Mr David Dennis of Atherstone turned aubergine purple in the Angel Inn, also of Atherstone after a monumental session of beverage. This performance also saw Dennis beat his own record for the biggest forehead vein, after the blood vessel on his left temple was measured as sticking out by 4 centimetres from his skull.

Worst Trouble with Missus

In the summer of 1999, Second team captain Adrian Williams told his girlfriend Emma, that he was just popping down the club to tell his players the game was off, and that he would be back in ten minutes to take her shopping, at twelve thirty one Saturday afternoon. Fourteen hours and some seventeen pints later, he emerged from the White Lion, Atherstone and burst into Emma's bedroom with a half eaten kebab in his hand, while singing Oasis' Champagne Supernova. After throwing up on the duvet, he lay sprawled on the bed in such a way that she had to sleep on the floor. On the following Sunday, he peekishly attempted to eat the Sunday roast she had prepared before again throwing up and going back to bed. It was the Easter of 2000 before she put him back on speaking terms.

Worst Performance

On a minibus back from Southam in the 2000 season, lightweight snooker player Mat "Robidoux" Jones drank two and three quarter bottles of Budweiser before falling over and going for six kebabs and a McDonalds's takeaway. Claiming to have drunk twelve pints minimum, Jones then proceeded to be violently ill on the bus and had to be helped home, where he promptly locked his parents out. At one in the morning, Bill and Celia Jones arrived back and after numerous futile efforts to enter his own home, enraged Bill climbed a ladder and knocked repeatedly on son Mathew's window. After eventually managing to rouse himself, Jones junior, stark naked, pulled back the curtains to see his father up a ladder before him and greeted him with the immortal words "What do you want?"

Breaking and Entering

In the summer of 1998, Raymond Jimothy Faulkner, of Pinwall, lost his house keys in a drunken stupor and as a result had to use a brick to try and smash his way into his own home. Such was the state he was in, he was unable to co-ordinate himself sufficiently to break the window, but did succeed in smashing a smaller pane on his back door. Still unable to get inside, Faulkner received a piece of good fortune when his daughter heard his pathetic attempts at entry and came downstairs to let him in, despite the door being unlocked in the first place.