Player Profiles

Matthew Jones

NAME: Matthew Jones

AGE: Four f***ing teen

WEIGHT: 8 f***ing stone

DRINKING WEIGHT: I am not allowed to drink

NICKNAMES: Rocky, Roy

ROLE: Opening f***ing bowler

DISTINGUISHING FEATURES:I have a Ribena moustache and two tattoos from a packet of Sugar Puffs

CRICKETING NIGHTMARE: Realising that I could be confused or worse still related to the other Mat Jones who plays for Atherstone.

WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE: I don’t do Punch and Judy shows and I have never been near a shower, let alone tugged myself off in one.

OTHER SPORTS PLAYED: Boxing

ERM…END OF QUESTIONS

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