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Matthew "Wong" Wood

NAME: Matthew Lee Chin Sun Wood

AGE: 32

FAMILY: Married, two children

NICKNAMES: Wong, Tenko, Cadfael, Rocketwrists, Ace, Coco, Statue, Woo, Seles, Marco Fu, Liberty, Fu Manchu.

WEIGHT: Once a heavyweight, now sadly only a mere bantamweight.

CATCHPHRASES: “Get down ‘ere”, “I’m comin’ ain’t I?”, “Frantic”, “I might do”, “It’s as simple as that”, “Ah so!”

YOUR APPEARANCES THIS YEAR: 13

LATEST TIME YOU’VE STAYED OUT UNTIL: 9:45pm

NUMBER OF TIMES YOU’VE JUST VANISHED PRETENDING TO HAVE GONE TO THE TOILET AND JUST DRIVEN OFF INTO THE NIGHT: 4

ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 10, WITH 1 BEING UGLY AND 10 BEING GORGEOUS , HOW GOOD LOOKING ARE YOU? About minus seven

WHY IS THIS? I have got to get my front tooth done - I keep meaning to, it costs me upwards of £15 a year in lost bets with my team-mates but the truth is I’m scared of dentists.

REALLY? No, I’m just not allowed out!

HAVE YOU EVER URINATED IN A HOTEL WARDROBE BECAUSE YOU COULDN’T FIND THE TOILET? I’ve got to skidaddle - I’m going out for a meal.

HAVE YOU EVER URINATED OUT OF A FRIEND’S BEDROOM WINDOW BECAUSE YOU COULDN’T BE BOTHERED TO WALK TO THEIR TOILET? Look, I’ve gotta shoot - I might come back later.

HAS ANYONE EVER SET FOOT INSIDE YOUR FRONT DOOR? No

HAVE YOU EVER HAD A VASECTOMY? Might have done