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Fat Thin-Person, Manny Alcock

Full Name: Manuel Wesley Alcock

Age: 34

Nickname: Stick insect, Spindle, Multigym, Penis

Drinking weight: Junior-light

Best feature: Ability to talk utter rubbish

Favourite drink: Lemonade Shandy

Relaxation: I masturbate furiously day and night

Favourite football team: Manches……..Real Madrid

Greatest cricket achievement: 164no Vs Stockton - their three players had a combined age of six, but you still had to hit the runs.

Idol: Yes, but I seem to get away with it.

Cricketing ambition: To put my existing record for the most career leg-byes in any standard of cricket beyond the reach of all humanity.

Is it true that you have put on weight or is it just a bad case of malnutrition? I have actually stayed they same - it's just the sexy square pants that I wear give the impression I have filled out a bit.

Job before cricket? Radio mast

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? The front.