A Day in the Life

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We take a look at Steve "Eli" Healey's typical day...

"I have a little routine going in my life that has enabled me to keep at the top of my game for years. Whatever the standard of cricket I play in, I have always enjoyed success, and I firmly believe that this is due to the way I structure my Saturdays. I get up early in the morning as sometimes I have to go to work, I will get up the night before if I am supposed to do the teas that week as I need at least six hours to queue up in Aldi. I arrive at the ground at least two hours before the game in order to get all of my bandages on. It's an onerous task, but eventually I will stride out onto the pitch like Tutenkhamun with haemorrhoids. I will then proceed to bowl for twenty-five overs and moan profusely from fine leg, before heading off after the game to remove my bandages. By the time I have done this all the pubs have shut and everyone else has gone home to bed which is where I go and stay until the following Saturday as I am too bollocksed to scratch my own pods let alone walk. It's simple really, four steps to success:- Bandages on, bowl, bandages off, recover. Quality!"