Atherstone Town Cricket Club

ASK THE ADDERS, YOUTH - Part 2!

Welcome to the newest section of the Atherstone CC Website, the Club’s answer to Dear Deirdre. Each week, we get letters from all over the UK ranging from fan-mail wanting pictures of Chris Horton naked, to people with far less serious problems. To deal with this huge bulging sack, we ask different players to deal with each letter to share the workload.

•I am a 24 year old teacher and recently one of my sixth formers has been coming to me for help and advice as her parents are going through a messy divorce at home. At first, I was little more than a shoulder to cry on but now things have developed where she has developed a major attraction to me and she wants to take things further. I myself have just been through a situation where my long term partner died in a tragic road accident and I have not been close to anyone since. I find myself deeply attracted to this girl but feel bound to do the right thing professionally. Should I end it before it has even started or should we wait until she finishes her studies in a few months before we get it together?

Simon Grayson says:

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•You fuckin Paedo!!! Never mind waiting – you want to be locked up. Mind you, if she’s got nice udders…

•I am a mute from a sleepy South Leicestershire village and the other day my mother caught me performing oral sex on myself. I was very embarrassed to say the least and I told her it wasn’t how it looked but I had choked on a peanut and was trying to remove the offending article with my penis as my fingers weren’t long enough to reach it. I don’t think she believed me and now I don’t know what to do for the best. Please help.

Matthew

Address withheld

•Luke Tibbits says:

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•“Sounds like you’ve COCKED up big time old lad!”

•I came home from a meeting the other night to find my wife naked upstairs on our bed. The trouble was she had clearly just been stoated, the bedroom window was wide open and a big fat bloke was kicking a fence panel down at the bottom of the garden to make good his getaway. My wife denies this and says I am being paranoid but he left his cricket bag at the bottom of the stairs along with a couple of empty trays of Mr Kipling cherry bakewells. The cheek of the man. He could only have been a “two pump Charlie” as his car was still on the drive and the fan still cooling the engine down. To add insult to injury, the bastard had eaten me out of house and home – all the cupboards were empty and the kitchen surfaces were piled high with dirty plates and cutlery. If I ever get my hands on him I will kill him. Who does this fat cunt think he is?

Matthew Bates says:

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that. She told me I looked like Jean Claude Van Damme and that she did a mean microwave lasagne.”

Sessionseekers

ASK THE ADDERS, YOUTH - Part 2!